Oh, the Humanity

At exactly 3 PM on February 24, 2011, Danny Ainge made the executive decision that he no longer wanted the Celtics to win their 18th championship. Because at this time, Ainge found it necessary to ship off Kendrick Perkins and Nate Robinson to the Oklahoma City Thunder for Jeff Green and Nenad Kristic. Translation: The Celtics shipped off the best defensive center in the NBA not named Dwight Howard for a backup wing who will get no more than 25 minutes a game, and a soft Euro. Danny Ainge further shocked the world by trading Semih Erden and Luke Harangody, two competent bigs, for the Cavaliers’ 2nd round draft pick in the year 2046, in the hopes of drafting Larry Bird’s grandson. After this inexplicable flurry of trade activity, Ainge claimed he “had the munchies,” and proceeded to trade Marquis Daniels, Pierce’s backup, for a bag of skittles. “It was the tropical flavors kind,” Ainge argued.

It would not shock me if this is what actually happened. Without any rhyme or reason, Kendrick Perkins, the anchor, the only center truly capable of defending any opposing big on single coverage was dealt swiftly and quietly. The only reasonable explanation I can perceive is that Perkins’ injury is far more severe than any of us realize. Why would the cost of re-signing Perk NEXT YEAR ever figure into the equation? What bearing does that have on this year? The plan was to win NOW, and it seems that our window of opportunity has been sealed shut, then smashed, and then boarded up. The starting five that has never lost a playoff series has been forcibly torn apart.

Perk was outwardly emotional with the decision, shedding tears when he heard the story. This was a dedicated man, who knew and understood loyalty, an embodiment of the blue collar Celtic. I’m at least glad he went to a promising team, in the OKC Thunder.

I can’t see us sneaking past the Magic, Bulls, or Heat, come playoff time. Our lineup is too small, and our defense has taken a major hit. I can see Dwight Howard wreaking havoc on this front line, and Wade and James slashing to the cup with ease.

As I type this, I see a Patrick O’Bryant clone named Chris Johnson wearing a Celtic uniform, and playing the center position, on national TV. Oh, the humanity.